The reality of Orthodox Jews leaving religious observance has been blamed on bad parenting, bad schools, bad marriages, learning disabilities, social conformity, discouraging religious questions, religious hypocrisy, the Internet and molestation. Life is complex. The most reasonable explanation is that all of these factors play a part. What can be done?
A problem with multiple causes requires multiple solutions. Let's start by focusing on one factor: bad marriages. It is obvious that a home without shalom bayis is harmful to children and can lead to rebellion. Can we prevent bad marriages?
Like most Orthodox Jews, I learned about marriage on the job. I think this is a disastrous policy. Chasanim and kallos are taught about taharas hamishpacha but little about being married. How should a husband relate to a wife, and vice versa? Many couples seek counseling or rabbinic advice for issues that should have been addressed before the wedding.
Belzer chasidim have a system where each new couple is assigned to a mentor. I have little doubt this has saved countless families from discord or worse. If all Jews had such a mentor before and after the wedding, we would have much healthier families.
We should commend Klal Perspectives for devoting an issue to producing better Jewish marriages.
http://klalperspectives.org/summer-2012-issue/summer-2012-questions/
If I were a mesader kidushin, my policy would be: get premarital instruction if you want me to officiate at your wedding.
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